ANSWERS FOR CHRISTIAN SINGLES!

Hello friends, 

PREAMBLE:

As promised, I present to you a short piece of answers for relationships within and outside marriage. This didn’t quite turn out as I imagined as the “Message” turned out to be too large a subject matter. So, I decided to take them in pointers as highlighted earlier and to forego scriptural references (forgive me). I do hope these highlights answer some of the questions that have bothered you in the past. Please feel free to forward any follow up question or issue that you may have. I will do my best to answer as the Lord leads. It may ofcourse take a while for some (as I am often beset with so much activity) but I definitely will answer you. God bless you. 

ANSWERS FOR SINGLES:

1. Is romance wrong in a love relationship for single Christians? 

Let me start off by saying simply and explicitly that fornication is a sin. Fornication is having sexual intercourse with someone you are not bound to in marriage. I did say in marriage not in marriage ceremony. You do realize that marriage can happen without the ceremony, right? (Controversial, right? That is a topic for another day). Romance involves feelings that are as a result of love. You cannot NOT be romantic in a love relationship. People often want to portray the different kinds of love. I’ll have none of that! Whether it is in marriage, or parental love, or generic love; love is love. LOVE CANNOT FUNCTION WITHOUT FEELINGS. Jesus loved and so He served, cried, died and totally expressed that love. Being a Christian does not kill that expression of love. In fact being a Christian is supposed to increase romance. I mean, the world should look to Christian singles for tips on romance!!! We are a people of LOVE! Church doctrines condemn romance because they believe it leads to fornication or in some cases adultery. You cannot put a regulation on romantic gestures, if you do you kill the spirit of love it portrays. To put this simply! Do not be romantic to every person you meet, but if and when you meet the one your heart is search for, please do not lose the opportunity by acting like a robot. Show your feelings in romance! Show that you love him/her! Love is shown / acted out! It’s never just about the words. Action always speak louder. Romance is the spark of any love relationship! You can’t afford to kill! If you do, you’ll NEVER be happy! 

2. When I take my fiance out, is it bad for us to enjoy blues or R&B songs? 

Not it is not bad! You definitely cannot dance to worship songs! There is a mood for everything. Love songs are not sinful! God instituted marriage! He also invented the feelings you get when you are romantic. Please enjoy your blues with your loved one. And when you see that you can no longer control your romantic feeling, take her to the altar and afterwards never STOP with the BLUES! 

3. What kind of conversations are suitable to single Christian couples? 

In a discussion with a lady minister, I was struck by how hypocritical a lot of us Christians can be attimes. She was telling me of how she ran away from a suitor who told her that he found her irresistible and went on to express in stark words how he wanted to ravish her. She said she was astounded at him because he was a Pastor! I astounded at her! I said to her, “Are you serious? Would you prefer he pretends and lies to you? Would you rather that he discuss theology with you and “trash talked” with someone else?” Love alone is not enough reason to get married! There is the “carnal parts” like romance attraction and sexual appetites. Discuss with your intended every single detail! If you do not, you will regret it! TRUST ME! We have ladies who are have a hard time in a “movie marriage” because they refused to be real with their intended before marriage. Now they are married to this man of God who has certain desires in the marital bed which they cannot satisfy! They did not know because they did not bother to find out. EVERYTHING IS UP FOR DISCUSSION! 

4. Is it right for single Christians to have a boyfriend or girlfriend? 

Duh! Yes, ofcourse! Your MOG that is married, what would you all his wife before they became man and wife? GIRLFRIEND! Don’t let doctrine and semantics make a fool of you. Ofcourse, you’ll have A BOYFRIEND or A GIRLFRIEND! Having one is not sinful! The sin is in sex before knowing whether he/she is your missing rib. And NO, it is not right to have more than one boyfriend! And No, it is not right to sleep with a boyfriend or girlfriend! HOPE THIS IS VERY CLEAR! 

5. At what age is dating acceptable? 

Maturity is the age for dating. Responsibility is the sign! Whatever age that this happens for you is up to your guardian and you to decide! But averagely, maturity starts from the age of 25. Sometimes! To some it is 40, to some 18. But before anyone starts dating, he / she must be ready for it psychologically, intellectually, emotionally, physically and spiritually! Yes spiritually! Remember that you are a spirit! And dating is one of the processes that leads to joining of two spirits in marriage! You definitely have got to be ready spiritually. 

6. Sex before marriage, Yes or No? 

NO! 

7. How do I identify the right person for me? 

The answer to this is so simple that I screamed when I got the revelation! Unfortunately for you, I’ll not answer this question here for various reasons: 

(a) The answer can NOT be generic. 

(b) It is fairly large because it will require a background before it can make any sense to you. 

(c) A change in reasoning has to come first for it to be effective. 

So, sorry! Though the fire is cooking and soon you will get your answer in the form of a book! Keep in touch! 

8. Does God really choose our spouse for us? 

When I was younger (spiritually), I would have said NO with so much emphasis and gone ahead to quote scriptures and examples to buttress my point! But the truth is that God has a WILL concerning every facet of our life. And we will always get the best things in life when we align our will to the WILL of God. So, YES! Allow God to lead you to the right person! That doesn’t mean you should become stupid! He after all would give you the desire of your heart! So, you have a desire, relay to your Father and watch him fashion your Eve! 

9. How do I uncover the true character of an intended? 

Patience and discernment is key! For this you need the Spirit of God to take dominance in your life. A lot of people are hiding something! Some of these things are innocent some of them are deadly! Some other people are agents! I don’t mean that in a Nollywood movie kind of way. I mean, some people have very destructive characters which they often have no control over, so they hide them. They have been hiding them for years and so have mastered the art of deception. Unraveling their true character CAN NOT always be done by setting traps as have been preached by many people. Patience and discernment is effective 100% of the time! More at a later time, by the Grace of God! 

10. How long is it expedient for courtship to last? 

How long? Listen, I am of the opinion that there is no law to them that are born into the freedom that Christ brings. Do not let society or tradition dictate how you live your life. The important thing is that your find the right person, you plan with that person, both of you are united in your aims, goals, and desires; and finally both of your get at the end of the courting period what you both desire (you both reach a satisfying agreement and level of trust). If you are not there yet, putting a time line to it will not get you there any faster. I know that some people say three years is the expedient time, but I have seen marriages with courtship of ten years break up and also of 2 weeks break up; and vice versa! Emphasis should never be about the time of courtship but about the substance of it. Courtship is good by the way! It does not have to be rigid and formal but it definitely has to be effective. 

- E. I. OPUTA