STOP FOCUSING ON THE SCAFFOLDING!!!

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"SCAFFOLDING -ˈskafəʊldɪŋ,ˈskaf(ə)ldɪŋ
A temporary structure on the outside of a building, made of wooden planks and metal poles, used by workmen while building, repairing, or cleaning the building."
Relationships have too many issues to contend with for people to add misconception to it.
How can you have a beautiful building being erected and what you are focused on doing is beautifying the scaffolding. There are a lot of scaffolding materials in human character and experiences. You'll be surprised at some of them. These are things that seem important but really have absolutely no value in growing a relationship.
Some of these include:
  1. Chemistry: The way you feel when you are close to him/her. The way they make you feel. You can hardly breathe. Her perfume draws from you a whole reservoir of longing. Your heart beats so fast just because you heard his voice. e.t.c. CHEMISTRY DEALS WITH CHEMICAL REACTIONS. If you know the correct formula you CAN REPEAT THE SAME EXPERIENCE (EXPERIMENT) on someone else. Please do not base a lifelong decision on chemistry. 
  2. Outward appearance: Looks. Speech pattern. Uniformity, outward compatibility. Similitude of taste in clothes and outlook. Do I need to even talk about this?
  3. Coincidences: So, because he happened to be from your village and you two met in New York, suddenly you feel that you must marry him? GOD DOES NOT COMMUNICATE IN SIGN LANGUAGE. If He wants to talk to you about a particular person, He will voice it to you. He won't arrange for coincidences.
  4. Generosity: That he gave you his kidney doesn't mean you must marry him. Tell him thank you and wait for the man who has your rib. YOU CAN LOVE A LOT OF PEOPLE AT THE SAME TIME. YOU MUST ONLY MARRY THE PERSON YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH. Just because she helped you when you were down does not automatically mean you must compensate her with marriage. Marriage is not a reward. It is not a political tool to be used as a bargaining chip.
  5. Mass acceptability: As much as we must respect our elders and honour spiritual heads, please don't gamble your married life on their choice. Have you not seen MOG's that have got it wrong in their own choice of partner? Do you not have parents and grandparents that have had a life of "hell-on-earth" because they chose wrong? What makes you think that marriage has an "Ask The Audience" lifeline (like in the "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" Game show)? Even if the whole world endorses a certain individual for you, it has to be your choice. After all they sometimes get it wrong when they endorse (vote for) political leaders.e.t.c.

There are so much more of these scaffoldings. They only prop or support the main building of marriage and relationships. Pleas look beyond them. LISTEN, I'm not saying that mass acceptability, chemistry, generosity, e.t.c. are not part of the package, I'm saying that: THEY ARE NOT THE PIVOTAL POINTS YOU LOOK AT BEFORE SAYING, I DO.

- E. I. OPUTA

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