EXPOSITIONS BY E. I. OPUTA

Hello friends,  What is love? I heard a song similar in lyrics to the title of this post that made me realise that LOVE means different things to different people. And that one of the greatest common errors people make is ASSUMING that your definition of love is the-same with the other persons’ definition. It has gotten to the time when one has to ask “What exactly do you mean?” when receiving an “I Love You” declaration. What do you mean? What exactly do you mean? What do you love about me? . . . Today’s post is not really about defining love but scrutinising a popular view of love that bothers on SEXISM and SEXUAL OBJECTIFICATION. Sexism is prejudice or discrimination based on a person's sex or gender. Sexual objectification is the act of treating a person as a mere object of sexual desire. Objectification more broadly means treating a person as a commodity or an object without regard to their personality or dignity. . . When I heard the song as entitled, I realised that w...

Hello friends, One of the greatest experiences a person could gain in this world is one that comes from the relationship of having a HOME - a FAMILY! One of the greatest failings in gleaning this great experience is seeing it as a destination and not a journey. A family is not an achievement! It is not a result! A symbol of hierarchy or status! It is not a possession! A product or reward of years of work or turmoil! Thinking it is the above is one of the underlying factors for a lot of marital failures. Do NOT get married because: Your friends are getting married You are of age. You have acquired "sufficient" wealth for it. You deserve it. In this part of the world, students are used to the process of a result from an examination after a term of schooling. Or for workers, the process of a wage after a month or period of work. Marriage should not be seen in this light. Bone of my bones! Flesh of my flesh! My very soul-mate! The one that completes me! The one person wh...

This was going to be a short quote but it ended up like this. Any man who is hard on his wife is cheating on her and any woman who is hard on her husband is cheating on him. (E. I. Oputa, 2017) Being hard or soft is my coinage to represent two contrary emotions that people reflect in relationships.  When a man wants to toast a girl, he goes soft. You don't get a babe by being obnoxious, violent and difficult. The same thing happens to a girl that wants to entrap or catch a man. She goes soft. She doesn't complain. She's the most understanding and accommodating. Being married does not imply you throw away all the little wisdom you garnered when you were single. Wisdom is profitable to direct. Listen lady, you can be hard to everybody else in the world, just make sure that you are (and show yourself to be) soft to the one that matters most to you (your husband). Obviously, you don't take shit from anybody. Be willing to take it from your husband. Y...

Have you been lied to? Do you tell lies? While some may argue on the necessity of telling lies, I know from experience that it's so much easier to NOT tell lies. In those awkward (on the spot) moments when it seems that telling a lie is inevitable, times when your brain even tells you that it's a sacrificial act and that it's for the good of the person you are lying to......... ........ those periods can best be handled with a sealed lip. Yes! It's better to SHUT UP than to lie. Lying has a profound effect on people. It destroys trust, and integrity and faith just goes out the window. THE EFFECTS OF LYING ON A RELATIONSHIP When was the last time you lied to your partner? And why did you do it? Lying is habituated behaviour usually driven by either fear of someone feeling badly towards you or the desire to be 'accepted', or liked. Compulsive lying puts any relationship on an uncertain footing. Think how your partner must feel if they ...

            I think it is the British that has this adage about "... putting your best foot forward". When you meet someone outside your home environment, it's likely you are meeting the person in his/her best attire, behaviour. comportment and look. It is very foolish to accept anybody based purely on the assessment of the "best foot". You know that first impression matters.  DO NOT CHOSE YOUR SPOUSE WITH THE PICTURE OF FIRST IMPRESSION ON YOUR MIND. Listen, when making your choice, you really do not want to focus on his/her good points, NO, discover his/her not so flattering points. I hear of couples having "miracle marriages". It makes me laugh! Seriously, you met a man on an airplane traveling to Lagos and he took your number after a short talk and the next week you are married to his brother. (This actually happened, saw it on TV as a testimony). Listen dears, the period of courtship is not only for you to discover...

People generally want shortcuts. Shortcut to make money (PONZI SCHEME). Shortcut to get the job/contract (BRIBERY). Shortcut to pass their exams (SORTING)... Now they want shortcut to find their missing rib or achieve a happy home. Do I need to tell you that shortcuts are bad? Yet, here is what I'll do for you. I'll give you a shortcut. YEP!!! A SHORTCUT TO KNOW IF HIS / HER LOVE IS REAL. A LOVE TEST!!!! . READY? RIGHT, LET'S GO... He/She doesn't find any fault with you. Doesn't ever take offence. Even when you know you have messed up. (Love bears all things). He/She has unwavering faith in you. Believes whatever you tell him/her. No matter how many times your lies have been exposed, he/she always hopes for the best from you. (Love believes all things, hopes all things). He /She is not rude, harsh or arrogant. Doesn't lord over you. A man that loves you doesn't try to rule or dominate you, he leads and serves. Breakfast in bed is ...