WORDS ARE POWERFUL

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Good morning friends,

Words are powerful! They are such inconspicuous things that have great effect in our lives. They can build up or they can utterly tear down. In marriage, words are as important as our actions. They can be tools of great bonding or little pests that condemn the whole.

The divide in families sometimes are not the actions of the participants but the words. Some women with broken homes I have spoken to confirmed to me that it was not the fact that their spouse cheated on them that finally broke their homes, but the words they used - the lies they told. Women have this inherent ability to store and remember words that hurt them. Some actions can be forgiven and forgotten only if the words that accompanies those actions are not destructive.

Mind the words you say. As a man you can utterly decimate the confidence and self worth of your wife by your words. You can make her self conscious by your words and seemingly take away her beauty! As a lady you can also degrade the worth of your husband and determination by the words you say to him. You can make him feel worthless and inadequate! These feelings can be so strong that they eventually drive those that are affected strongly to huge lengths in search of validation!

Our society did not teach us on how to build with our words. We only learnt how to tear down and destroy. But it is never too late to learn. Do not limit yourself because of the adage "you can not teach an old dog new tricks". First of all you are not a dog! Secondly, change and advancement in life is constant. You can do it only if you want it. How many of us got assured of the love of our parents constantly as kids. It is not in the habit of parents to say "I love you" in Africa. But you can start it with your children.

Build up your spouse by using words of encouragement and support. Tell that uneducated husband that he is intelligent and amazing. Assure him that he can do great things. NEVER EVER POINT OUT HIS FAILINGS AND FAULTS! Pretend they do not exist. Subtly encourage him on his strengths and lead his focus away from his "supposed" weaknesses.

Make your Wife feel beautiful. Flatter her in words and actions. Let your presence and words speak of her importance in your life. Reaffirm to her repeatedly her importance in your life and that of her children. Magnify and celebrate her strengths and achievements. Be her greatest cheerleader. Maker her children believe that their mom is the best in the world. NEVER TALK DOWN TO HER! Not even in private. Do you know that if you tell an "ugly" woman that she is beautiful, constantly for a year, she becomes so? Seriously! There is no ugly woman! But if you pamper, care for and admire her beauty, focusing on the obvious assets and highlighting the not so obvious ones, you will induce a confidence and joy that will transform her into a beauty! This is a tried and tested theory!!!!!

Avoid the following statements by all means: 
  1. I am tired. 
  2. Leave me alone. 
  3. Do whatever you like. (Whatever! duh?!?)
  4. I do not care!
  5. Can't you be like ... 
  6. If I had married so and so ... 
  7. I am not begging you ... 
  8. I am an independent woman / man. (I do not need you)
  9. Go and tell your father/mother ... (to the children)
  10. (All forms of insults) ...

A soft answer can calm a stormy anger!
Encouraging words can make heroes of mere men!
Words of faith will get you to where words of reprimand cannot!

- E. I. OPUTA

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