30 TIPS FOR CONSCIOUSLY STRENGTHENING YOUR MARITAL BOND (FOR MARRIED COUPLES):

1. Your word must be your bond. Remember that marriage is initiated by words. If your words do not carry weight, your marriage becomes meaningless. Avoid lying/deceit, fulfil promises, say what you mean.

2. Don’t be a parasite. Parasites live at the EXPENSE of their host. Don’t make your spouse your host. Share the expense. Be a contributing member. Marriage is for sharing of responsibilities. It is primarily for helping, so help.

3. Spice up your sex life. Imbue your marriage with romance and chemistry. Stop keeping a sex timetable with your spouse. Do not make it a chore. Do not allow it wane in its novelty. Allow for visual and sensory stimulation. Be adventurous, spontaneous and participatory.

4. Involve your spouse in your play time. Whether at home or on a vacation. Don’t taint your subconscious to associate daily stress with your spouse. Make memories of laughter and fun as well.

5. Display and own your bias: Love is supposed to be blind & dumb. Compromise as much as you can in bending to your spouse's will. Do not be shy to show everyone that your spouse has your key or your “silly button”.

6. Discuss everything. There should be NO sacred issues. Your spouse MUST be in-the-know about your past, present and aspirations. Remember you both “is” ONE. Withholding information is courting ignorance which is the recipe for disaster.

7. Be loyal. Ensure that the bond you have with your spouse is the strongest association you have. Do not allow any other loyalties supersede that of your family. Guard it fiercely.

8. Operation zero distance. Do not allow a day pass without connecting with your spouse. This is not about bugging your spouse by being overly clingy, it’s more like maintaining you position, presence and relevance in his/her daily life. Do not allow travel keep you away for long periods. Do not distance yourself emotionally.

9. There is no “me-time” in marriage. You are no longer single. The need for “space” is a sign of trouble. Instead go on a date. Let it become an “us-time”. The definitive context of SELF love differs in marriage, it means loving BOTH of you.

10. Implement a unitary career / vision. You can’t be pursuing your career the same way you were when single. You need to upgrade it. Corroborate your individual careers to also unite in marriage. Partner your businesses. Bundle it all up to a united living entity.

11. Create an environment of home. Home should be wherever your spouse is. The feeling of “home” can also be created. Implement “traditions” that invokes the homey feeling unique to your union. Make yourselves feel at home in your union.

12. Maintain your privacy. As a unit you need to have your own secrets that even your children do not know. Eject third parties. Defend the autonomy of your unit. Knowledge / info that is privy only to you both is one more bind that enforces your bond!.

13. Identify the strengths and weaknesses of your spouse. The aim is to celebrate and utilize does strengths while you defocus and aid the weaknesses. This way you compliment each other. Perfect.

14. Vocalise your feeling. The fact that you are married does not mean that you are telepathic. Communicate your hurt, gratitude, love, care, affection, fondness, tenderness, warmth, emotion, sentiment … Do not bottle it up.

15. Create memories that bond. If the only thing a spouse knows/remembers is pain, hurt and disappointment, divorce becomes an option. Consciously create memories of happiness, success celebration, fun, romance, etc. These are cherish-able moments worth living and dying for.

16. Every healthy relationship requires participation. Both of you must contribute to the well being of the home. It mustn’t be equal but dual contribution must be adhered to. There is always something to contribute. Even a quadriplegic can contribute his brain, encouragement, attention, and love.

17. Unite your purse. One of the major ways to enhance marital bonds is in united finance. That doesn’t necessary mean a single bank account. It means both of you pool your resources. There is no “personal savings” in your mutual relationship - There is just savings. 100% disclosure and common wealth.

18. Poetic Sacrifice. One way to strengthen bonds is to bring to real terms the love you lyricized in words and poems. Action speaks louder. You must act out your proclamations. Sacrifice of ME for US is one sure way of cementing your worth in the heart of your spouse.

19. Merge your interests and priorities. Many couples fail to do this at the onset of their marriage. You must first of all identify key interests, priorities and persons in your individual lives. Then you merge these into a whole so that you both can give right of place to what matters most in both your lives. Nothing and no one feeling left out or cheated.

20. Never sweep issues under the rug. Every perceived hurt and issue must be trashed out to a satisfactory and healthy conclusion. Never ignore it. Even spoken words that rub off wrongly should be addressed. It can fester and appear as a cancer later on.

21. Make your marriage your topmost priority. Place it above career. Place it above power. Place it above wealth. This simply means that you MUST value your marriage more than you value these other (also important) things.

22. Lies are a NO, NO. Lies make terrible foundation to build a relationship. No deception. No lies. No cover ups. No half truths or “white lies”. Start off with full disclosure. Continue in transparency. Plan in honesty and Grow in truth. The bond that holds your family will be secure in TRUTH, KNOWLEDGE, VIRTUE, FAITHFULNESS and FAITH!  

23. Be the answered prayer / desire: Bonds are the strongest in a relationship when expectations are met and sometimes surpassed. Discover your spouses’ fantasy and meet them. Endeavour to make his/her dream come true.

24. Be united in all things. Do not keep a book of records for your spouse. Not for wrongs or for benefits. What you do for your spouse is what you are doing for yourself. Give yourself the best by giving your spouse your best.

25. Love means sacrifice: The most basic show of love is sacrifice. The utmost sacrifice is that of your life. A love relationship must be characterized by sacrifice. Make a habit of sacrificing daily your time, resources (money), energy, attention, knowledge and heart for your spouse. Sacrifice speaks better (& louder) than words.

26. Little things matter a lot: Attention to detail is a vital factor in strengthening your marital bond. Do not neglect the little things. Keep it up. Kisses & hugs, calls & messages, pet names & sultry tones, gifts & keepsakes, gist & stories, tricks & treats, etc. 

27. Control change: Marital bond has terms and conditions. Changing these terms will definitely affect the bond. Discover what these terms are and make sure the core of it (faith, status, character, attitude, etc.) is never affected by change.

28. Chemistry – discover your unique formula: The spark of any love relationship is the chemistry that tingles, unsettles, excites, rejuvenates, and interests you. Both parties must discover their mutual “chemical” formula and implement it consciously.

29. Maintain the Fundamental Structure of Marriage: There is NO equality in marriage. YES, there is equality of the sexes (gender equality). Role assigning in marriage allows for direction and cohesion. This ensures that the weak, leads and the head, serves! As such there is a simple yet complex mixture of duties. 

30. Unite in faith: Marriage between people of different faith is a myth. A family that prays together gets their strength from the same source, and so stays together. No matter the religion, if both parties are in unity on their faith (principles), there WILL be increased cohesion.

-. E. I. OPUTA