7 KEY POINTS FOR SUCCEEDING IN THE HOME FRONT (FOR MEN)

Good morning friends,

A friend contacted me after a recent post (http://eioputa.blogspot.com/2018/06/the-other-woman-for-wives.html) to express appreciation for value she got BUT at the same time chide me for "always" focusing on the woman in my posts on marriage!

This made me laugh! First of all, I don't ALWAYS focus on women. Secondly, if I did, I think it should be seen as a compliment to our wives! abi?. But in my quiet time I probed my mind trying to decipher if there was a particular bias I had for the seeming consistent focus on the role of the wife in a home. I came to the conclusion that I truly harbour no bias except that I believe that the home IS the woman and the woman, the home.

It might be unfair but the bulk of the responsibility of home building always falls on the woman. She is the foundation, the catalyst, and the substance, all rolled up in one. The pressure is much and the position sensitive. The man can falter, make mistakes lose focus but the mother and wife cannot afford to do same. I have a lot of respect for our mothers and our wives. On that basis I will acquiesce to my friends' request and speak to the men.

TO OUR FATHERS AND MARRIED BROTHERS:

1. Your home is nothing without your "home maker". 

She is the essence of your home. Home is not the house or the building. Your children are not home. Rather they are the product of your union with your home creator (your wife). Value her above all. Children come and go! Houses also come and go! She must remain the constant "integer" for you to have a stable home.

2. She works hard! All wives work hard! 

I can say this with all sense of fact. Even the ones you may wrongly term lazy are hard workers. Do you know the amount of varied little tasks she has to undertake for your home to thrive or even exist? It's a thousand little things under the criteria of emotional support, spiritual intercession, carnal satisfaction, mental exertion, psychological efforts and economic subsidy. She works hard! That is why when ignored it seems she sags under the weight of the responsibilities her position as mother and wife has burdened her with. She carries this burden for years. Understand and appreciate her sacrifice.

3. She has needs. 

Do NOT think that being married to you transformed her into a robot - a robot that is only good for satisfying your needs? She has her dreams, desires, aspirations, etc. She also has her vision. It is very important that she also fulfills her life calling. You must make room for her. Enlarge your vision to cocoon hers. Make sure she plays an important role in the actualization of your joint goals. She needs to be satisfied with her lot in life. Satisfaction is not only in the marital bed but also in her career, ministry, and home. You will lose your wife if she gets the inclination from your body language that all she will achieve from you is money! Money is not everything. Sometimes SUPPORT can be more valuable that the hard paper.

4. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 

When the beholder stops seeing beauty, the beholden knows. It shows in his actions, words, body language, lack of empathy, etc. You must endeavour to fan the flame of love. Always coat your lens with the colour of love. A woman feels love better when you show it. Open preference is one of the ways to show it. I agree with my wife in everything as long as we are in public. It's not a question of whether what I'm agreeing with her for is right or wrong; it's a question of showing to the world that I'm on her team always. In short, do those things you did when you were wooing her. The way you called her consistently, defended her among your friends, sacrificed everything for her and strove to be deserving of her love..... continue. Let it play out in soft spoken words, constant contact (as if to assure yourself that she is human), little showers of gifts, thoughtful helps, romantic gestures etc. If you do this, even the most not-so-beautiful (ugly) wife will blossom and shine like an angel. A well attended garden will always flourish. A well polished jewelry will always shine. A well loved wife will always be beautiful.

5. She needs attention. 

Don't be too busy for her. Sometimes the issues you are facing in your home are as a result of inattentiveness. Don't just bark at her and get frustrated by her actions. She will not spell it out for you. Stop for a minute! Giver her quality time. Quality time implies that you do not undertake anything else, you do not multitask, you do not think or talk of business or other (equally important) issues, you do not kill two birds with one stone.... Take her out and be romantic. Focus on her. Her beauty. Notice her new hair, her clothes... MOG be "carnal" with your wife for a bit!!!! Tell her all the beautiful things you only think of in your head! let her know how much you love her in detail. Make her believe in that love. I assure you that for the next three weeks your home will be like heaven on earth! Why three weeks? Old things will come back if you do not continue showing this attention periodically.

6. Be responsible. 

Responsibility is the ability to undertake suitable responses to issues within your sphere. The home is yours! The family is yours of which you are the head! So, in essence all the jobs, chores, and tasks are originally yours. Training your children, handling domestic chores, economic provision, psychological balance and homey feeling, etc. She is there to help you! A suitable helper! Do not make the mistake of leaving the entire job for her. A woman will undertake the most strenuous job in the home as long as she does not feel as if she is being used cheaply. Doing the dishes once in a while will not make you less of a man. Helping the children with their homework so that she can do something else will not reduce your level of IQ. Being responsible means that you acknowledge that you are the one that is supposed to handle all the things she is presently handling. This mental attitude helps you to appreciate everything that she does as well as making deliberate in roads to do the needful.

7. Stop being generic. 

Every woman wants more. We (men) always demand more of our wives. Be good in bed. Be excellent in the kitchen. Be amazing with the kids. Be resourceful in business. etc. We never bother to check if we are improving ourselves to be more for her and for the sake of your family. She also needs you to be an excellent masseuse, a good coach, a good therapist, better lover, generous benefactor, thoughtful partner, brave protector, amazing team player, powerful intercessor, and capable understudy. Stop listening to friends and traditionalists who places limits on what you should/can do for your wife and family simply because it is not MANLY to do them. If the happiness and prosperity of your family is your desire, you should be ready to sacrifice just as your wife sacrifices everyday.

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I hope these 7 points helps some one today!

Please share if you know someone that needs to see this.

You never know, what God can do in your home through this piece. God works in mysterious ways and through some very unconventional means.

God bless you!

- E. I. OPUTA